Last night Logan had to get another iv put in for his scope today. The iv nurse was really great and it only took her one try this time, yay!! Unfortunately she could only find a good vein in his right hand, (the one he sucks for comfort), so we think this may be one of the reasons that he didn't sleep well last night. Logan layed there sucking his fingers and looked at them as if to say, "Go ahead, stick me! I've had this so many times that it doesn't even phase me anymore." I watched as our brave boy formed 2 little crocodile tears that rolled down his cheek as they stuck the iv in. As soon as it was done I scooped him up and pronounced "You are such a big, brave boy Logan!! Mama loves you!"...and well in return his tears were quickly gone and he gave me some BIG smiles! Thanks to my friend Evelina who was here keeping me distracted from watching them put the needle in! ;)
Another reason we think Logan didn't sleep great last night was because he wasn't getting fed anymore. At midnight they shut his feeds off because he needs to fast for at least 8 hours before having a scope. Ok this seemed like a good thing - perhaps he is scheduled for first thing in the morning (instead of his original time at 2pm) since they're already making him fast? WRONG! We were informed this morning that they have a full day of procedures booked and as soon as they get a cancellation or something they'd fit him in, just hopefully we don't have to be bumped to tomorrow. I says PARDON? How can they make a little baby who is already having failure to thrive & not gaining weight, be off of his feeds for that long? That poor nurse didn't stand a chance when Adam began to firmly raise his voice stating that this is ridiculous and she best go find the GI doctor or a PEDS doctor from the team immediately so we can speak with them (and he piped in don't you dare send in another resident who is never able to answer our questions!). Well this worked. To our surprise Dr. Zachos herself came in and spoke with us. She aplogized for the miscommunication on the scope and when the fast should have started. She has assured us that she booked him an appointment for 2pm to have the scope done and as soon as she had the results she would come explain them to us herself. If they do not see anything wrong from the scope right away then they're won't be much to say and we'll have to wait another day or 2 for the biopsy results to come back from the tissues. I also asked her about Logan's bloodwork. I expressed my thoughts on how I feel that they don't inform us of anything, just come in, tell us they are taking bloodwork and then never tell us what it was for and how it came back. She proceeded to tell me that oh not to worry, its just routine bloodwork and they would let us know if anything came back suggesting that something is wrong. That's great I said, but just what IS routine bloodwork? I'm no doctor, so how should I know? And don't I have a right to know what bloodwork is being done before consenting to letting them prick him again? I realize everything they are doing is clearly all done in hopes of helping what's wrong with Logan, but I still have a right to know as a parents what is being done & why. When the team gets together in the hall and discusses our case, we just sit in our room staring at them while they throw idea's around together. Would it not be beneficial to us as the parents to just have them do their meeting in our room right in front of us? It's not that we think they are lying or keeping secrets, we just want to be in on the loop of our own child! Is that so much to ask for? Dr. Zachos was very understanding and told us that if we ever need to speak with her or a PEDS doctor rather then a nurse or resident we can make an appointment to do so. I feel like I'm at the doctors office having to 'make an appointment' when I'm admitted here for what feels like permanently and yet they walk around the ward all day in plain visible sight for me to see, but I can't just talk to them. I apologize for the venting, sometimes it just feels good to get it out.
So now we wait, wait, and wait some more till its time to do the scope, to wait while Logan is in recovery and to wait to hear the results. We pray fervently that the doctors will be able to find some answers through this, that we can be given some insight on where to go from here & what to do for Logan to help him thrive & grow properly again.We covet your prayers as well as we hand Logan over to the doctors today (even though its for a minor procedure), we trust that the Lord will watch over Logan and guide the doctors through it. As hard as it is to hand my baby over to complete strangers, its comforting to know that though I may not be able to be by Logan's side, holding his hand & protecting him - God is holding him in the palm of His Hand, and he will never leave Logan's side and that is so much more greater then anything I can do for Logan. Such a comfort to know that we have a merciful, faithful father to put our hope & trust in.
"Be STILL and KNOW that I am God". - Psalm 46:10
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