What Day Is It Anyways?

God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” So we say with confidence,

“The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid..." - Hebrews 13: 4b-6a

 

 

Sorry in advance that this post will be a little longer then usual. I just have so much to say, and for some reason can not fall asleep tonight.

 

Logan has now been admitted to Mac (the second time around) for a full week. I had hoped that since things were put on hold for the weekend and today is Monday, that it would be game day...this was not the case. Since we've come back, his input/output was minimal and has now just plateaued for the last 3 days. He just seems to hover around the 10 pound range, and although he is not continuing to lose weight at this point, he is also not gaining. Logan is also not as energetic as he used to be, of coarse he will always perk up for visitors and flash you grin or 2 (or 5!), he just tends to become tired more quickly and begins to fuss until he settles again sleeping in mom's arms or in his crib. He still continue's to be a flirt & win over the hearts of all the nurses with is bright blue eyes and adorably big smiles. They all seem very excited when they find out Logan gets to be one of their patients for the day. Logan has been seen so far by the GI team, General Pediatrics, an Occupational Therapist, the Child Life Team and a Dietician. So far all they have found is that Logan has a severe case of reflux (GERD), which with the help of his medication "omeprazole", has been under control. We do know that this does not explain many of Logan's other symptoms, the main one being no weight gain/failure to thrive. We've been told that tomorrow Logan will FINALLY receive his Barium X-ray to examine the lower GI, as well as the scope on Wednesday to confirm their suspicians of the pyloric stenosis or any inflamatories in the upper GI. Today one of the GI doctors assured me that if we do not find a diagnosis for Logan by the end of this week, when they are finished examining everything in the Gastral area, then we will start looking in other area's. We will most likely then meet with a Genetics team, a Metabolics Team and a Neurology Team.

 

We might as well get real comfortable, because it looks at though we will be staying here at Mac alot longer then we anticipated. When I asked one of the PEDS doctors how long she thinks we will be here, she replied that we will be here for awhile yet. So just what does AWHILE mean anyways? We get told this all the time, and I still have yet to figure out just how much awhile is! Thank-goodness for our visitors, the RMDH and of coarse coffee. When you are as sleep deprived as I am, coffee is a very wonderful thing! Some days it feels as though an hour feels like an eternity, and then other days go by so fast that the days just start to run into eachother. Adam & I even find ourselves asking what day of the week it actually is and/or the date! November has been a blur to me, and I imagine now that December is creeping up on us, it might continue this way for some time.

 

I did meet with one of our GI Specialists today, who's name of coarse I can't remember now (with all the doctors, nurses, OT's and dieticians we've met I can't seem to get them all straight!). After being the first doctor to actually sit down with me, explain everything thoroughly and answer all my questions, I proceeded to cry from all my emotions and thanked her from the bottom of my heart for finally being the first doctor (not the sr. resident, jr. resident or anything other student that they usually send instead) to take the time to talk to me (the worried & anxious parent), and make me feel better by explaining it all so much more clearly. I prayed last night that someone would soon take me seriously and take the time to answer my questions. God heard my prayer and sent Dr. Zachos (I remembered her name!) to me today to listen intently, make things more clear for me and she totally understood my concern for my child. So thankful that she has taken over Logan's case and is now going to be working hard with us to find some answers!

 

Logan also had his pre-op today for the scope he will be receiving on Wedneday afternoon. The anesthesiologist explained to us step by step how the scope will work. Good thing Adam was with me, because while she was explaining it all to Adam, I kept thinking about was that I hope he wakes up from the anesthetic. I know, I know, why am I worrying about this already? I couldn't help but think about it when she explained that he would be put out with a mask and also have an i.v in his arm incase his airways close up from a reaction and they need to give him something for it, the risks involved, mainly the slight chance he could have a reaction to it or not wake up. Now I am not one to usually worry to easily and get all worked up, but I started to get this hard lump in my throat & it felt like it was closing up, the tears were stinging from the corner of my eyes and my stomach had that nervous feeling of butterflies in it. I stayed strong through all the poking & prodding as best as I could for these past few weeks, but I couldn't take it anymore. I just want this all to stop for my baby, take him home and never have to come back. I know that having all the procedures and things done are for his own good, to help find out what really is wrong with Logan. It is just so hard to watch your helpless baby, who cries and looks at you with these sad eyes (almost as if to say make them stop mommy) everytime another person has to prick him with a needle or hook him up to something. It breaks my heart. Then there is Adam, Logan's brave daddy, (who I know is just as worried as I am, yet never shows it). Adam continues to pick me up when I'm having an emotional moment (like today), he looks me in the eyes and reminds me to be brave for Logan, and to continue to TRUST that Logan is in the hands of the best physician of all, our faithful & merciful, Heavenly Father. I am thankful to have Adam by my side. Also, a dear friend of mine reminded me today: "What a comfort to know that as much as we love Logan, God loves him with a love so much more pure. How amazingly comforting it is to know that!"

 

We have a long road ahead of us, and we know that through the strength of our Father in Heaven we will get through this together and we will continue to keep searching until we find a proper diagnosis for Logan. As always, we continue to ask you to pray that this week will finally be the week for answers. We pray & hope that the doctors will hopefully be able to find something in the Gastral area, so we can fix the problem and help Logan to start to thrive again soon. Also prayers for Adam as he continues to go to work each day and come back here at night, it is so tiring on him. Prayers for Malachi & Olivia as they are a little out of sorts and are searching for some normal routine again in their lives. Prayers for me to get some rest & push away all my fears & anxiety in the coming days. But most importantly, prayers that God's will be done.

 

No matter what comes our way, we can still say with confidence that we will continue to praise God in this storm.